Where to Lebanon?

July 27, 2005 Lebanon

2006-07-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

It seems that it is not going to get any better anytime soon. It is hard to tell what’s real but I gather that Hezbollah is holding up well and the Israelis are calling in more reserves. Meanwhile, life slowly comes back to Beirut. The streets are just a lot dirtier with Sukleen (the cleaning company) running low on workers as all the foreign labourers have gone.

It is amazing that what is so obvious seems to elude Israel. As Sinioura said, that country is not going to get peace through bombing the country endlessly. It is only creating so much more hatred. I understand the idea of weakening Hezbollah to a point where they agree to 1559. But that logic works only if they manage to weaken Hezbollah and
1. don’t weaken the current government
2. don’t create thousands of more fundamentalist
3. find a way of making sure that at the end, Hezbollah doesn’t just replenish their stock of weapons
Unfortunately, they have weakened the current government which looks so helpless at this point; they have created so much hatred that recruits will be plentiful; and unless they are sealing the border forever, Hezbollah will always be able to replenish and update its war stock. So I am not really clear what is their strategy.

Life is becoming more surreal. I couldn’t sleep yesterday with the noise of the Israeli war planes flying over Beirut. I sat in my bed listening to them wondering where will they bomb. Will it be close? Why else would they fly over me? Someone told me that you don’t hear anything before you are shelled…I guess that’s good to know.
Anyhow, I see that I have drifted into the melodrama, but I feel entitled! I try to keep it to a minimum so when I become too melodramatic I will stop blogging. For now, that’s it on my side of the world.

July 25, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days were quiet courtesy of Condi. I am sure Siniora tried to convince her to stay for a bit longer to give us some breathing room. She must have left Israel already because this afternoon has been busy in el-Dahya.

It is hard to understand who is winning, so I am not sure how we will get to the end. It is easy to see the final agreement so I don’t know why we can’t get there. Israel can’t loose to Hezbollah, but they can’t win a street fight. They are already struggling and they have only taken over one tiny village not 5 kilometres from their border…Hezbollah’s bombs are still raining on Israel, and Al Manar is going strong taunting them at every turn. The Lebanese public opinion is not with them as being anti-hezbollah is not being pro-Israel. In fact, most people think Lebanon is doomed no matter who wins. Who wants Israel to win!? But please, who wants Hezbollah to win either!

Hezbollah on the other hand must be suffering too. They have lost tremendous infrastructure. All their schools and hospitals were they derive their popularity have been destroyed. They must be loosing a lot of rockets given how many a day they lob on Israel. There are probably more “martyrs” than they are admitting to in the south.

But both can last for a long time it seems. So how is anyone going to convince them to stop? The talk is about a sweet deal for Syria, but does that include giving it Lebanon again? What solution is that?

I also think a lot of damage has been done in terms of the cohesiveness of this country. Not that this country was ever cohesive. But the Shiite are in such a different place than the rest. Yes, I know not all the Shiite. But most of the Shiite still support Hezbollah totally. They love Nasrallah! They believe this whole disaster is only Israel’s fault. I almost had a fight yesterday at the gym with this guy who I was chatting with. The gym opened yesterday and of course I went. So I ask this guy if he is okay and about his family. It turned out he is from the south and although he himself was not impacted, most of his friends are among the refugees. To make a long conversation short, I said that I am fed up of this and hope it will be over soon. His response is “we’ll fight until we win” and I say “Win! What win, we already lost, the country is destroyed, couldn’t we live in peace and have a good summer!!” He says “Israel lost! the only reason you can walk with “your head up” is because the “muquaama” (resistance) is fighting the enemy!” Of course I explode “My head up! The whole country has crashed in a wall (translation doesn’t really work)”

The other scary thing you are hearing is talk of “federations”, i.e., dividing up Lebanon. I remember that talk when it was close to the end of the civil war…so maybe it is nothing. But a lot of people talk about separating themselves from the other groups. I am talking about intelligent people telling you about the virtues of dividing up the country. The north could go with Syria. The south will be Shiite. Druze will have Mount Lebanon and there will be the larger Beirut. I am not sure which part will be worse, the north that has joined Syria or the South that will have the highest concentration of poor people

Meanwhile back to the now in Beirut, more places are opening up. My gym opened as I said, a couple of restaurant opened down town…My mood is like a pendulum swinging from one end to the other. Sunday and Monday was on the bad end. Today it is on the better side (not that is a happy side). I can’t wait till this is over. Until then, I will be here wondering how will this end…Tarek and Paul, thank you for your comments. Hi John and Parvis! I miss all of you guys.

July 22, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

So my sister is still in transit. She landed in Cyprus around 8 or 9am and everyone was then put in a “staging area” which seems to be a big space where thousands of people are waiting to fly to Baltimore. What a trip. I am sure they are going to remember it for the rest of their lives. I realize it is a large rushed evacuation, but seriously, couldn’t it be a bit more organized. It is not like this is the first or last evacuation ever… The marines on the ship were all helpful it seems, but the planning leaves a lot to be desired. All in all, my sister’s trip will is going to take over 48 hours.

Anyhow, it seems that the ships have sailed and I stayed. For how long is anyone’s guess. I keep thinking why don’t I leave and resume my life in the States? I don’t really have an answer other than I am not ready to leave yet. My mom knows she wants to stay. I am sure if I tell her I really want to leave, she would leave with me. But I am not so sure either way. I hate that Hezbollah has decided that whether we like it or not we are going to fight the Israelis. I hate that the Israelis have decided to teach us all a lesson. Who are these people to drive me out of my place or disrupt my life? Who are these people to ruin this country?

But why stay? I just moved back, my life is not really established here. Who knows how this will end, and when? I find it ridiculous that many of the well off people are now in Frayya, Bikfayya and Brummana having a field day. Apparently, it is happening nowadays in Brummana. Then you have all the Shiite who were displaced that still support Hezbollah….I was shocked to see Marcel Ghanem’s show tonight (didn’t watch all of it) but he was interviewing some of the refugees from el-Dahia and the south. If they are a true sample, then Israel definitely lost the war for the minds and heart of these folks. Each one of them supported Hezbollah and Nasrallah! They are all living as refugees in horrible conditions and they don’t blame Hezbollah at all for their situation.
We’ll see. I think this coming week we will know if there will be a ceasefire or if we are going to a worse place. Beirut is still the same. The streets are usually busier in the morning, but empty out in the afternoon. Some people are going to their jobs. The gym might open on Monday (I am keeping my fingers crossed)…

July 21, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t write yesterday as I got home late and helped my sister pack for her evacuation. My happiness at being productive disappeared after seeing how chaotic the relief efforts are. What I don’t understand is how a country that has experienced so many disasters, not know how to organize relief efforts. You would think we would be professionals at it. Anyhow, it is frustrating. So leaving that, I came back and wanted to spend time with my nephews before they evacuate early the next day (today).

It is hard to describe the evacuation. The idea is you are to show up at a set location at a set time, where you are verified to be an American (in this case), then you board a ship heading to Cyprus and on to Baltimore on charter planes. It sounds easy enough. My sister was told to go at 11am. Apparently a friend who was supposed to evacuate yesterday called her to advise her to show up as early as possible. They had arrived on time based on the evacuation instruction, only to wait for 10 hours before being told to go back home and come back the next day (today). He told her to be there (at Debyya) early in the morning otherwise she won’t make it on the ship – it is a first come first serve basis.

So we set our alarm clocks to 4:30 am and left our home at 5:15 am. We got there to find hundreds of people waiting and pushing to get in. I bet you some spent the night there. Everyone was pushing and shoving to get closer to the very small place where one person at a time is passing. Imagine hundreds of people trying to go through a place that fits one person. The only word that aptly describes the experience is bahdale. I am not sure what is the translation that best conveys the experience. I guess it is a mixture of disgrace and being dishevelled. It is like watching a movie where the people from the poor country and fighting to get food, or to break into an American embassy.

My sister has three kids, so you can imagine how hard it is to pass through a mob of angry, nervous people. The marines were trying to form three lines, one for people who waited the day before, one for people with kids and one for everyone else. Of course, they were trying to achieve that by yelling that concept to people from far away with microphones. Needless to say that didn’t work. Then they would yell things like “stop pushing and shoving, we are taking everyone, we are not leaving anyone behind.” That fell on deaf ears, people kept on pushing. So we pushed to get through as they said that people with children have priority. I can’t paint the picture well enough. It was hot, and the kids were crying and everyone was yelling. My four year nephew got separated from his mom, who became hysterical at that point until a marine (I think) came to save the day and picked up the kid and made way for the two of them.

Anyhow, we all made it in and then I left. Her journey continued. Apparently, there was a point where passports are check, then you wait, then you board a small military boat that takes you to a big military ship. There you get some lemonade and get to share a large room with 30 people each getting the small beds that we see on movies in military ships. I think they left Beirut at 6:30 pm. That’s after more than 12 of getting there. After that, they will have 8 hours on the ship to reach Cyprus, where they wait until they board the planes.

I really don’t fathom how she and three kids will make it. I am sure the Americans mean well, and I know the marines helped her with the kids, but what a horrible experience.

The moral of the story, evacuation sucks! In the end, you wonder maybe it is better to have risked it by taking a private car to Syria and then flying from there. Maybe it is better to just stay in Lebanon and risk dying by the Israeli shelling. Anyhow, I hope they get to Baltimore safely.
Not much has changed from the past few days. Areas are still being bombs. Beirut is still quiet. I went to work after my fun trip to Dbyya. Downtown is empty and all the stores are closed. It looks like a ghost town. It looks so sad. Not more than three weeks ago, it was alive, buzzing and full of tourist and people watching the world cup. How did things change so quickly! I bid you all a good night - no matter what time you are reading this. Till tomorrow.

July 19, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

I was so impressed with how well I was dealing with this war until I had my nervous breakdown today…I am not sure what triggered it. Is it just the accumulation of the past week? Maybe it is hearing explosions while driving and trying to decide what is the best course of action, you stop on the side or keep driving to make it home. Maybe it is the fact that my sister and her kids are finally being evacuated and that I will miss them. Or yes, there was also the fact that now when you leave your home you have to watch out about driving next to trucks. The latest thing is that trucks are a target for bombing as they may be carrying Hezbollah and/or their weapon. Looking all around you all the time watching for trucks isn’t easy on the nerves. Anyhow, by the end of the day I broke down when in response to telling my four year old nephew that I will miss him when he leaves to the states, he said to me “you don’t have to miss us! You have to come with us.” He is a cute kid. He said to his mom a couple of days ago that he does not like those “fireworks” any more. Yeah, I don’t like them either.

Anyhow I am finally being productive. They asked us at work if we are willing to help with some of the admin work required in the relief efforts. Initially I wasn’t excited about going, but then it felt good to have done something. It is total chaos in Lebanon with 500,000 refugees and with all the injured or people with medical needs. All the schools in Beirut have been taken over by people looking for a place to sleep. The government has run out of mattresses to distribute to these schools. Then there are those who are in areas that help can’t reach them because the roads are cut off. Everyone fears shortages of medical supplies and basic needs. In Beirut, there haven’t been shortages yet.
My blog will be short today as my nervous breakdown has left me drained…It was good to see some of your faces at the demonstration in NY (courtesy of Tarek) and to get your emails. Till tomorrow.

July 18, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

Beirut seems more vibrant today. Maybe vibrant is too strong a description, but there is definitely more life here than there has been during the past few days. Some of the stores in Verdun that were closed opened today and I saw more cars in the street. We drove through Hamra and all we saw are people strolling in the street. Some of the cafes had people chilling smoking arquile. Most of the people we saw looked like they were those that were evacuated from el-Dahia or the south.

In any event, the optimism extended to me today and I went out a couple of times today. I am not sure what is the source of this optimism. Someone said that the western world has assurances from Israel to keep things quiet until their nationals have been evacuated and therefore it is only the calm before the storm. Some are probably thinking that Beirut (the non-shiit part of it) is not a target. On the other hand, there seems to be a lot going on in terms of diplomatic efforts that there may be some sort of an agreement soon. Who knows…Spokesmen and pundits are beginning to slam Hezbollah on TV (at least on LBC and Future TV, the pro-government news stations). I am not sure if it is the Arab position of rejecting Hezbollah’s actions that did it, or if the government is feeling empowered with all the foreign support. I don’t know how that is translating on the street of the Shiit population. That’s anyone’s guess.

Of course the main talk here is which country is evacuating their people when. Everyone is related to someone with a foreign passport and is interested in knowing the rumours about what is going on. Did the ship the Americans are using to evacute arrive yet? Did the British already leave? What is going on with the Canadians! A lot is concern for those relatives and wanting them to be safe. I wonder if they are also thinking what about us, those that are left behind.

Another topic is the refugees. There are a lot of stories about refugees trying to take over empty apartments. A woman called on a TV station yesterday night saying that after they fled from el-Dahia they found an empty place in Ein-el-Mriese (which is a decent area in Beirut) and settled there. Apparently, the police then came and evacuated them or took them to a shelter. I am glad that is the case as the last thing we need to have are squatter issues. The economy is already shattered, but having people loose their homes to refugees would be a disaster. There are many who want to flee to other areas but are worried about leaving their apartments empty.

The days are still passing by very slowly, I am still not going to work and my gym closed for the time being. What did people do during 16 year of war? Anyhow, Tarek and friends have a good demonstration today. If I were still in NY I would be with you guys.

July 17, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

Today was relatively calm in Beirut. The only booms I heard where a couple this morning at 6am then a couple sometime midday. Both times were in Dahia or around that area, so I did not panic. Of course, a lot worse was happening elsewhere. I know it is horrible, but I am already used to the el-Dahia bomb sounds. Anyhow, out of habit, or for lack of better ideas, I showered, dressed and got ready. Ready for what, is anyone’s guess. The day did turn out to be busier than I thoughtwe did have a flurry of visits from relatives and a friend who had to drop by to pick up some things. I am still not going to work.

Theories and analysis of what is happening are plentiful in the country. Of course there are the optimists who believe that there will be a cease fire and an exchange of hostages / prisoners soon based on the UN proposal. However, the friend who passed by this afternoon said the strangest thing. He has determined that Israel has showed how weak it is as they have not been able to do anything so far. Apparently, the fact that every single bridge in the country has been blown to pieces, the south has been flattened, more than 200 people have died and el-Dahia has been evacuated and is being brought down a building at a time, is nothing. I think his point is that Hezbollah seems to be doing okay although the country has been ravaged. He did point out, that the Israelis couldn’t even shut down Al Manar, the Hezbollah TV station- which is a good point. I guess although people are angry at being dragged into a war, they are impressed by Hezbollah’s might. At one point during the day, an “object” fell from the sky and many of the TV stations thought it was an Israeli F-16 shot down by Hezbollah. It was an exciting point for the newsmen who pointed out that this is another one of the surprises Hezbollah has for the Israeli enemy. Apparently it was not an F-16. I still don’t know what it is.

Anyhow, the quiet is apparently due to the fact that Dominique de Villepin came to Lebanon to show France’s support this afternoon. Those who have lived here during the civil war explained that whenever a foreign diplomat comes to the country, the bombing stops. I am not sure if that is for the safety of that diplomat, or so that they will fool the diplomat into thinking things aren’t bad…

Oh well. Another useless day passes by…I am lucky to have internet where I keep logging to touch base with friends who may be logged on. It is nice to have that connection with the rest of the world.

July 16, 2006 Lebanon

2006-07-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

When I first decided that I am moving back, I wanted to start a blog to express my experience as a person who has lived independently in NY for nine years then moved back to live at home in the Middle East. The idea was to have a Beirut / NY blog with a close friend blogging his NY stories to my Beirut ones. I moved back, got swept in trying to figure out my place here in Beirut and forgot about blogging. Now life seems to be stuck in limbo and I have nothing to do, so I figured I can blog. Lesser mortals have done it, so why not me…

The whole Hezbollah / Israel fiasco started a few days back. Each day it gets worse, and I guess it will get much worse before it gets better. I hate hearing the bombs, my heart skips a beat every time as I wonder how close am I to the bombing. Should I move to a room with no windows or stay put? I usual wait to hear my mom’s footsteps, to reassure myself that all is well. The booms seem to be always followed by a car’s alarm going off. Then silence. I am also tired of the lack of a full night’s sleep. I wake up to a boom then can’t go back to sleep. I look for any radio station to hear what is going on, but all I get is Fairuz or Marcel Khalife singing war songs. Then I go back to sleep to wake up to another boom. Morning comes, and I turn on the news for more of the same.

I know my neighbourhood should be safe. I don’t think the Israeli’s will target non-Hezbollah areas yet. I am in a much better position that those poor souls in the south or in the Dahia. Other than the noise, worry, boredom, anger, and jittery nerves, I am not suffering much. I even went to them gym yesterday. It is funny to be on a treadmill while watching pictures of war not too far from me.

How long is this going to go on is anyone’s guess. The Israelis aren’t going to leave with Hezbollah victorious and Hezbollah wants to prove its might. Maybe in the end, a country with one army and one government that controls its fate will emerge. I just hope we survive through it all and we don’t all die in the process. Bravo Siniora for saying what you did yesterday. I love that guy. I don’t know how he can bear being a prime minister in this god forsaken country. And he still tries.

I miss my life in New York, when all I seem to have worried about was my social life and work. I miss all my friends. I don’t regret coming back. I am glad to be here with my mom and in a strange way this country needs non-crazy people to be here. Meanwhile I wait to see what happens next…